Friday, June 27, 2008

"I'll see your crap and raise you an Oh sh*t"

You know the words written on your car mirror that say....objects in your rear view mirror are closer than they appear?! Well, nothing says "hi, how are ya!?" quite like the sound of metal crunching on metal. In my defence it was a sweltering day, the temperature was in the triple digits...Calcutta hot... I'm pretty sure I may have been semi-conscious...in a heat induced coma. All I wanted to do was take the dog for a walk at the beach to cool off. I opened the car door and immediately regretted it, the intense heat singed my eyebrows and melted my mascara. I got the car started and James Brown's "It's A Man's World" came blasting out of the speakers ....I nearly gained lucidity.. (I hate it when I don't turn down the radio before I exit the car!)Anyway, I'm frantically flipping switches, opening vents, rolling down windows, trying to steer with totally inadequate fingernails,...knowing full well the skin on my fingers will fuse to the leather of the steering wheel if flesh makes contact....and my driveway is steep and narrow, did I mention that!?....I back down it a hundred times a day....no problem. I look in the mirror as I start my decent and I see that writing..."objects are closer"... and I think.."well they aren't today cuz I just got a little breezy momentum going". The truck parked at the bottom,evidently within my turning radius, about 5 feet from my driveway, spoiled my hasty getaway. I hit it like a heat seeking missile...it wasn't suppose to be there! I put a big dent in my car bumper and scratched up the neighbors truck fender. Said neighbor came out to see what happened, of coarse I apologized, but he just kept saying, "Oh sh*t! I pointed out, that in reality( something I wasn't bothering with at the time) his damage was more "Oh crap" and mine was "Oh sh*t.... ahem.... you know how guys are about their trucks, it's staggering..none the less I did do damage ....I'm waiting for an estimate on his scratches.... meanwhile I've managed to pop out the dented bumper and buff out some of the other offending evidence before my husband notices....before he reminds me about that little saying in the mirror.....

9 comments:

Nanny Goats In Panties said...

So, you figuratively say, "Hi How are ya?" (with your car) and all your neighbor can say is, "Oh sh&t"? Well that's not very interactive, is it?

Did you seriously not tell your husband?

susie said...

AHH, too bad you weren't listening to "In A Cold Sweat" ...you wouldn't have been so addle*pated..My sympathies are with you.

Mrs. G. said...

What a drag-it would take my husband months to notice something like this.

Mrs. G. said...

And your earring shrines are so cool-I feel an Etsy purchase coming on....

Parallax Photo said...

What a day. D*mn heat, all your fault.

springcart said...

Hope that you are ok...

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Professor J said...

I hate when that happens!

Octavine Illustration said...

well at least it makes for a good story.

NimbusSisters said...

you are a comedic genius, but you know that, right. goddamn, i laugh my A** off every time i read your blog!

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