Friday, June 27, 2008
"I'll see your crap and raise you an Oh sh*t"
You know the words written on your car mirror that say....objects in your rear view mirror are closer than they appear?! Well, nothing says "hi, how are ya!?" quite like the sound of metal crunching on metal. In my defence it was a sweltering day, the temperature was in the triple digits...Calcutta hot... I'm pretty sure I may have been semi-conscious...in a heat induced coma. All I wanted to do was take the dog for a walk at the beach to cool off. I opened the car door and immediately regretted it, the intense heat singed my eyebrows and melted my mascara. I got the car started and James Brown's "It's A Man's World" came blasting out of the speakers ....I nearly gained lucidity.. (I hate it when I don't turn down the radio before I exit the car!)Anyway, I'm frantically flipping switches, opening vents, rolling down windows, trying to steer with totally inadequate fingernails,...knowing full well the skin on my fingers will fuse to the leather of the steering wheel if flesh makes contact....and my driveway is steep and narrow, did I mention that!?....I back down it a hundred times a day....no problem. I look in the mirror as I start my decent and I see that writing..."objects are closer"... and I think.."well they aren't today cuz I just got a little breezy momentum going". The truck parked at the bottom,evidently within my turning radius, about 5 feet from my driveway, spoiled my hasty getaway. I hit it like a heat seeking missile...it wasn't suppose to be there! I put a big dent in my car bumper and scratched up the neighbors truck fender. Said neighbor came out to see what happened, of coarse I apologized, but he just kept saying, "Oh sh*t! I pointed out, that in reality( something I wasn't bothering with at the time) his damage was more "Oh crap" and mine was "Oh sh*t.... ahem.... you know how guys are about their trucks, it's staggering..none the less I did do damage ....I'm waiting for an estimate on his scratches.... meanwhile I've managed to pop out the dented bumper and buff out some of the other offending evidence before my husband notices....before he reminds me about that little saying in the mirror.....
I was born a twin, although I was the first one to appear, so maybe that makes me the normal one. Anyway, my mother was fond of Toni perms in the 50's and thought our straight blond hair could reap the benefits of that products curly promises......questionable! The hair solution was so nasty all the windows and doors had to be opened, any food product left out on a counter had a slight mystery flavor, the cat stayed outside for a week. And the end result...well, my twin and I refer to that period as the "duelling Bozo's"
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